Punishment or love


In 12 years admitted 10 times in a rehab.For normal people this must just sound like just another admission in a hospital,but for me it was like punishing me for something which was not done by me intentionally.Writing about this gets me in a very depressive state even today.Its like why punish me for a crime I didn’t commit.My alter egos over confidence in being wicked always got me landed in there.Nothing that I said in my defence would be considered sane.Rehab admissions would be planned by my husband and my doctor in hiding and I tell u they were aces in accomplishing their mission.Even today when the door bell rings,my heart skips a beat,reminding me of the 3 or 4 men accompanied by a lady nurse,barging in my house all ready to handcuff me.Their handcuffs were not of metal but of liquid intended to be injected not tied.I was allowed to beg,cry and ask for forgiveness but for a limited time,if I behaved anything aggressive or nasty,I would give them a chance to prove their being united skills.They were heartless and so had my husband become by then.

The injection was so strong that it made me get up in my already allotted bed after one whole day.Pure memory loss,loneliness,fear,anger,hatred,revenge,were just one of the many emotions I use to encounter in there.The worst and painful emotion was of being away from both my kids.Almost the whole day I hated my husband for putting me in there and taking away my only reason of my survival,my kids.Being a very clean and tidy lady,eating and bathrooms were my torture in there.Moving around in there and seeing people suffering was a feeling that cannot be restricted to one word.All types or people with all type of disorders,locked in one cell,some very intense,some totally insane,some a vegetable,some over smarts,had to still figure out my category.


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