Guardians helplessness

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A bipolar persons life is a blend of always two,not less and not more.Good and bad,sad and happy,love and hate,mood swings and difficulties in choosing the right.We bipolar feel another me inside us,refer to her or him as the one who’s to blame.We feel slaves to our master.Our mood swings are depended on how pleased and properly fed is our inner me.We flatter and pamper our inner me in order to be in good books with them.We bipolar feel protected and guarded as our inner me to us is like a white knight.For me she was my protector in my childhood when I was punished by my teachers and bullied by my friends.She guarded me against male lust when I was a teenager,she was always there when tears rolled down my cheeks.I started getting comfort and solace in myself and referred to her as my only guardian angel who understood me.As a child whenever I was unhappy and wrong,I knew no one else but she would understand me.

Today blame it on my maturity,I’ve chosen to be a rebel to my childhood so called guardian angel.I don’t say I hate her today,but I’ve given her a space in me to acknowledge her,and to prove my loyalty to her.Today I understand all that she did for me,had it not been her strengths and power I would be a week and helpless person.She came in me as my protector and I respected her and while I fed my existence she fed on my thoughts.She was good until she thought she was my only sole protector.Jealousy and hatred hit her when I found my true love and got in a commitment with him.My marriage made her uncomfortable with the thoughts that a third person could guide me my way.She was going through her second childhood and became helpless and started defending herself by getting rage in me.She made me suffer due to her discomforts.For long she tortured me due to the hatred she had for my true love.My blood returned back all her sweat.Soon love won the race and I learnt to let her be in me,but today I tame her and feed her my positive thoughts.I heal her wounds by telling her what’s happened was past and let’s have a happy ending.

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