Category Archives: Sane Insane

Vampires pain

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PMS the scariest abbreviation for all women on this earth.Premenstrual syndrome or premenstrual tension is a complex of physical and emotional changes,including depression,irritability,appetite change,water retention,bloating,breast soreness,and changes in muscular coordination.One or more of which may be experienced in the several days before the onset of menstrual flow.Four out of five female friends or ladies I know agree with me on the above mentioned.For some ladies the dates are fixed so they are mentally and physically prepared for the upcoming storm ever month.For some there’s a delay in the date due to hereditary factors,or if married worried wether they played safe,or if already on heavy medications.I am sure every man who’s an adult is aware of lady’s saying “it’s just that time of the month”!!

PMS is worst suffered when women have any type of mental illness,and if they are the delayed types it’s a bonus.Not all bonuses fetch gain.Delayed menstrual cycle fetches misery,helplessness,rage and makes one an attention seeker due to the already existing mental illness.One like this in my imagination seems to me like a vampire looking for her prey with no intentions of fulfilling her own blood hunger,as she’s already a self inflicted vampire. A good seductive actress who ruthlessly exploits,ruins and degrades the men.She seems and looks on the outer so in control of the situation and plays her role so well that all men are in love with her acting.No man ever must have imagined the pain inside her as she looks at all of them as her prey.Her rage is then her own blame game.Her moves in search of her prey with good intentions for asking for pity for her pain all go in vane.She forgets in her pain the destruction she causes as her being a vampire.Then she bleeds and relieves her own pain,once again knowing her strengths and her weaknesses.

There are a lot of methods of preventing Menstrual pains.Im sure many have already done it and are happier.Many still planning,many who also are dealing with menopause.My personal opinion on this subject is let nature play it’s role.I am 38 and have not so good control over it myself but i am learning to take control.

Human pain

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Being a bipolar always wondered bleeding pain is greater or the unseen pain.We have a personality disorder but only rage gets the devil out in us,our good one inside puts the fortunate ones in a dilemma!! Socially we are loud though behave our selfs until triggered.The trigger not necessarily be a logical one.That one trigger is enough for all are past good deeds forgotten,the bad intensity is so high,I really don’t blame them.Our pain is then given different names like being narcissist, addicted,vindictive,egoistic,moody,self-centred,crazy,insane,attention seeker,etc etc.Pain is pain,and we feel it too,while in rage it’s unattended,but the after effects are a torture.A severe throbbing headache and palpitation.Then with medication comes the pain of self pity,obesity,fear,anxiety,feeling groggy and incompetence.For many of us it’s also getting deprived of love.

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Being a bipolar makes us different,a double me that we are.Our heart cries out to people who we see suffering.We emphasise with their pain as it is very visible and looks red.Be it a small scratch,a bleeding wound,an operation,diabetes,cholesterol,cancer,tumour,surgery of all types etc etc.I have been from donkey’s years in a thought process about am I supposed to feel sad for myself or sad for the person I see suffering physically.Medications are a part and parcel of both pains.Makes me sad to see people having to shut their taste buds,follow the do’s and Don’t in their diets.Never till today came to a conclusion.Feared always if I do so I’ll be known as someone who’s flattering her illness.

The above words are totally my thoughts.After reading this post, I would definitely appreciate any positive comments from my viewers irrespective of your age ( above 18) or your illness or the totally blessed ones who are fortunate and have never experienced any pain.

Certified insanes

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We are all creations of the Almighty GOD.While creating us he wasn’t being partial but was keeping in mind his status.We are all crazy in our own little ways,some show it and some don’t.We bipolars go one step ahead then others in gaining our degrees in insanity.Its like we are the branded ones and the others are the local ones.Off course we are all aware of the pain and sufferings in acquiring the degree,but it comes natural to us.We by default are pros at it.

The degree is not a total waste as the long years we put in obtaining it we
bipolars learn a lot of witty and cunning ways to get what we want by hook or by crook.To our advantage is pity and sympathy people feel for us for being ill.Yes you might feel I’m a real crook,but then why not.People won’t change their perception about me,as I’m already labelled,and as long as I get what I want,their perception doesn’t really bother me.In my initial bipolar days I was cleaver and wanted to change the world,but today I am wise and i changed myself.

Temporary Insanity

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My bp had a tequila called postpartum psychosis.A painful combination where in I ignored my first child.I was 20 when the nurse handed her over to me.While in hospital I admired her beauty,her little hands,her brown hair,her smile,her skin.She was an answer to my prayers.I stayed with her for 12 days in the hospital as I underwent a cesarean operation.Adored her,played with her,but when it came to feeding and changing her nappies a deep sense of irritation use to engulf me.Was ashamed to discuss it with anyone with the fear of being labelled a bad mother so soon.

It aggravated when I reached home.I kept convincing my self my negative behaviour towards her was due to my stitches and lack of sleep.My behaviour became very insane, and non- motherly feeling were all I had to offer to her.My family and husband started to fear to leave me alone with her.Very vindictive was my nature when it came to her feeding,that one day I tried to suffocate her while feeding.I was noticed doing so by my husband who pulled her away and gave me a piece of his mind.With my growing conflicts and mood disorders my daughter also grew.

Today she is 17 and I’m blessed as her and my conversations are like two close girl friends.

Sane insane

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This painful thought should be only within you.It should not be visible to others.Family love and commitments is all about your own mind sacrifices.Let the mind make u insane with such thoughts,it is the culprit,but when you allow it to get exposed in your daily life,people blame u,cause they not aware of the real culprit in your mind.Don’t be a slave to it.After all it resides in you ,tune it n boss over it.