I have always wondered wether peoples minds play games with them even if they don’t have any mental illness.Have spoken to a lot of friends and family’s and have come to the conclusion that “YES” their minds too play games in twisting and turning thoughts but not to the level of a person suffering from bipolar personality disorder or any other mental sickness.There comes a stage when there is no longing to do any work,the body feels double the weight,hunger increases,body swells and last but not the least the moods are fluctuating highly.Being a bipolar myself,I can tell you it’s a very difficult and uncontrolled situation,where in one is forced to be a slave of the negative mind and irrational behaviour is out at its best.It is very saddening to be in such a state and for ones closed ones to watch someone behave in that illogical states.For more than 15 years I suffered,not knowing how to tackle situations.It was for the love and support of my family that I am still surviving.
It is my humble request to all my readers who suffer from bipolar disorder or have some one in their circles who suffer from it to be very cordial and patient with such people.It is a mental disorder and it is not done on purpose.Talking,counselling,giving love,motivating and getting the person out of their difficult moods is the key to helping someone with such minds.Medication too is important if the art of self controlling the mind is not possible.
Good morning☕️☕️almost sick from past 15 days drinking unknowingly im purified water with 100 fever almost daily,bad bronchitis,and headache.My both kids having their final exams with my husband travelling due to his job. Too much on my hands,as I newly started recognising my writing skills too,must say my creativity should have waited until my mothers responsibility were over
1993 it was love at first sight for me.Cast differences,immaturity on my behalf,just left convent school and felt like a free bird in a coed college.Met my now husband through a common friend and then all that followed was one perfect being deeply in love with a surprised bipolar personality( that’s me).We continued our true love for three long beautiful years convincing and trying to elope if given a deaf ear.Out love was pure and so in 1996 we got traditionally married and became man and woman.Was beautiful for the first year as we created our bundle of joy,our daughter in 1997.Yes those days people were not so career oriented and though both our family’s were not very well to do we all had one thing in common “love and unity”.Postpartum depression hit my already existing bipolar.Needless to explain the pain,sufferings and helplessness in the whole family.Things got a little settled inside me due to the 6 shock treatments that were prescribed by my physiatrist.I was 23 then,when the urge to make my family complete started bothering only me.My hubby and our whole family was against it as they were told another delivery would make me land into an asylum!!!
It was my deep desire and strong faith in GOD that I delivered a pre-matured baby boy in the seventh month.Weak and tiny was our son due to the heavy medications I had taken.He was born at 1:04 and for three minutes the doctors and me didn’t hear his crying.Thanks to science they injected him and got him into this world.It was my faith in GOD and I knew it.When he was 24 days old he had already been pricked 19 times due to his two repeated febrile seizures.Looking at his pain made me forget my own bipolar pain.His first word was out when he was 4.Speech therapy and again my faith in GOD made our son the most cleverest handsome hunk.My bipolar was a member too while both our kids were growing.
Today we are proud parents of a beautiful 16 year old daughter and a normal speaking 13 year old taller than his own parents son!!! When I look back into our family history,I have just a few regrets about some of our family members taking their voyage to heaven and a little regrets for our family’s helplessness.All this only strengthens my faith in him and I know deep beneath bad times are over!!!
We all somehow and sometime in life make financial investments to secure our future depending on the figure of our bank.If we are unable to do so,the thought at least keeps playing on our minds.Its human nature and it has got nothing to do with how good or bad a magnet you are in attracting the chips.In either ways the thought of saving for our old age or for our kids future keeps us going on.When I was a child my parents were so busy in making two ends meet,that the word investments was something they thought they wouldn’t be Abel to ever make.Off-course there were happy moments in our life’s then too but due to their stress and insufficiency of funds they forgot to capture those happy moments.I grew with the thoughts of never knowing how I looked as a child,and always complained to my parents.It bothered me a lot as everyone knew how they looked and what they did in their childhood as they had pictures of themselves been clicked.
When I grew into an adult I was blessed with technology and I made the best use of it.I captured almost each and every happy moment of my kids growing up,I captured moments for all people during our functions,birthdays and weddings.I never missed an opportunity in doing so and as time passed everyone knew even if they forgot their cameras at home their moments would be willing clicked by me.For me my camera,today a smart phone is one of the best investments I made for my old age as well as my kids future.Today my kids are teenagers and while we family have our good moments and want to dwell back to our happy moments one of us climbs the loft and gets down the treasure box which is a treat to our eyes.My Investment start paying me my returns when my kids praise me about how thoughtful I was as a mother.Some investments in life are never meant to make profit,yet they make us so rich.
During the worst 13 years that I suffered with my bp2,I with hurting my loved ones mentally also hurt myself physically multiple times.The reason was clear,I wanted to gain sympathy and attention from them and in a way wanted to confuse them to rethink their stern decisions they had planned for me,a rehab. Due to the illness I use to become a monster and do wicked things during my rage, by crossing the zenith of humanity.By the time the medicines could penetrate and supplement my chemical imbalance,I use to undergo fear and guilt for what I had caused.That allowed me to punish my own self,and the sight of red gave me pleasure.I remember so clearly the mess my family use to undergo due to my self hurting.I was anyways suffering physically and mentally,but my whole family that included my parents side and my in-laws were shaken up and were unable to perform the act of normalcy in their respective fields.My behaviour was very upsetting to them as they felt helpless in seeing their efforts going in vane.
In 2011 even GOD felt pity for my pain and my family sufferings and let a miracle happen in the disguise of my own willingness to fight my own mind and radiated me with strengths unlimited.My strength gave me the willpower to quit medicines and tackle my mind rationally.It wasn’t easy at all the first few months as I encountered memory blocks and had become like a new born baby.Basic chores like driving,cooking,being social and computer networking were a task to me in which I had to recheck again and again with my loved ones.I was confused between which was the actual me,the one that lived because of medicines or the one which is living without medicines.As time has it’s own ways of unfolding mysteries I was contented with the new me.My scars,some visible and some hidden had an option to undergo surgery and disappear,but I choose to keep them to remind me never to fall prey to my past mind.
It’s my dad’s birthday today.20 jan, a date I’ll remember until my death or incase I’m hit by Alzheimer’s.Today I have all the material things I need to celebrate his birthday but I don’t have him.May 8 2006 he took his last breath and prepared for his journey to heaven.I remember him very often in my heart when things relating to him happen in my life,and when I see my daughter getting the same princess treatment by her father.My dad was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and was an exceptionally extremely good human being,but his fate loved playing games with him.He was a rich mans delight until my sister and brother came into existence and became a pauper when I was born.It didn’t make a difference to him though when it came to be the man of the house but not for too long.His fates statistics graph only declined over the years.
By the time I grew things had changed,my mum had lost hope in my fathers fate.Having three children,she wasn’t left with too many options.School fees and food were her basic requirements, for which she started working.It was not a pleasant sight for my father to see.The agony,pain,insufficiency of his being the man of the house never effected his love for his family.He was a voracious reader and read story’s to me to make me sleep,cooked for me my favourite delicacies when I was back from school.To him we three children were his life.More than 23 years this saga continued until one fine day his fate was back to him and this time with a great bang.
Today when I remember him,i feel he’s made up to us for those years which were not intentionally brought by him but by his fate.He left his name and his talent for us to use.He taught us to be good human beings,and never to loose hope in thick or thin.He taught us to be fighters.Love u papa,I know you are reading.