Tag Archives: pain

Past~Perfect

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Past existed gone today
Rage insanity worries and pain
In control today
If tomorrow comes
Bright is our future

Untrustworthy were she and me
Gaining trust is not our worry
Fearless are we
Lived by flames
Diplomaed by aromas

Minds weak pure heart are we
Strengths desires courage positivity we share
Indebted and in love are we
Proud of our off springs
Rooted us the perfect plant

Regrets complains hurt and pain
All forgotten showering our seeds
Blessed are we with unity
We are theirs they our ours
Past was future is

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Vampires pain

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PMS the scariest abbreviation for all women on this earth.Premenstrual syndrome or premenstrual tension is a complex of physical and emotional changes,including depression,irritability,appetite change,water retention,bloating,breast soreness,and changes in muscular coordination.One or more of which may be experienced in the several days before the onset of menstrual flow.Four out of five female friends or ladies I know agree with me on the above mentioned.For some ladies the dates are fixed so they are mentally and physically prepared for the upcoming storm ever month.For some there’s a delay in the date due to hereditary factors,or if married worried wether they played safe,or if already on heavy medications.I am sure every man who’s an adult is aware of lady’s saying “it’s just that time of the month”!!

PMS is worst suffered when women have any type of mental illness,and if they are the delayed types it’s a bonus.Not all bonuses fetch gain.Delayed menstrual cycle fetches misery,helplessness,rage and makes one an attention seeker due to the already existing mental illness.One like this in my imagination seems to me like a vampire looking for her prey with no intentions of fulfilling her own blood hunger,as she’s already a self inflicted vampire. A good seductive actress who ruthlessly exploits,ruins and degrades the men.She seems and looks on the outer so in control of the situation and plays her role so well that all men are in love with her acting.No man ever must have imagined the pain inside her as she looks at all of them as her prey.Her rage is then her own blame game.Her moves in search of her prey with good intentions for asking for pity for her pain all go in vane.She forgets in her pain the destruction she causes as her being a vampire.Then she bleeds and relieves her own pain,once again knowing her strengths and her weaknesses.

There are a lot of methods of preventing Menstrual pains.Im sure many have already done it and are happier.Many still planning,many who also are dealing with menopause.My personal opinion on this subject is let nature play it’s role.I am 38 and have not so good control over it myself but i am learning to take control.

Human pain

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Being a bipolar always wondered bleeding pain is greater or the unseen pain.We have a personality disorder but only rage gets the devil out in us,our good one inside puts the fortunate ones in a dilemma!! Socially we are loud though behave our selfs until triggered.The trigger not necessarily be a logical one.That one trigger is enough for all are past good deeds forgotten,the bad intensity is so high,I really don’t blame them.Our pain is then given different names like being narcissist, addicted,vindictive,egoistic,moody,self-centred,crazy,insane,attention seeker,etc etc.Pain is pain,and we feel it too,while in rage it’s unattended,but the after effects are a torture.A severe throbbing headache and palpitation.Then with medication comes the pain of self pity,obesity,fear,anxiety,feeling groggy and incompetence.For many of us it’s also getting deprived of love.

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Being a bipolar makes us different,a double me that we are.Our heart cries out to people who we see suffering.We emphasise with their pain as it is very visible and looks red.Be it a small scratch,a bleeding wound,an operation,diabetes,cholesterol,cancer,tumour,surgery of all types etc etc.I have been from donkey’s years in a thought process about am I supposed to feel sad for myself or sad for the person I see suffering physically.Medications are a part and parcel of both pains.Makes me sad to see people having to shut their taste buds,follow the do’s and Don’t in their diets.Never till today came to a conclusion.Feared always if I do so I’ll be known as someone who’s flattering her illness.

The above words are totally my thoughts.After reading this post, I would definitely appreciate any positive comments from my viewers irrespective of your age ( above 18) or your illness or the totally blessed ones who are fortunate and have never experienced any pain.

Reminder

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During the worst 13 years that I suffered with my bp2,I with hurting my loved ones mentally also hurt myself physically multiple times.The reason was clear,I wanted to gain sympathy and attention from them and in a way wanted to confuse them to rethink their stern decisions they had planned for me,a rehab. Due to the illness I use to become a monster and do wicked things during my rage, by crossing the zenith of humanity.By the time the medicines could penetrate and supplement my chemical imbalance,I use to undergo fear and guilt for what I had caused.That allowed me to punish my own self,and the sight of red gave me pleasure.I remember so clearly the mess my family use to undergo due to my self hurting.I was anyways suffering physically and mentally,but my whole family that included my parents side and my in-laws were shaken up and were unable to perform the act of normalcy in their respective fields.My behaviour was very upsetting to them as they felt helpless in seeing their efforts going in vane.

In 2011 even GOD felt pity for my pain and my family sufferings and let a miracle happen in the disguise of my own willingness to fight my own mind and radiated me with strengths unlimited.My strength gave me the willpower to quit medicines and tackle my mind rationally.It wasn’t easy at all the first few months as I encountered memory blocks and had become like a new born baby.Basic chores like driving,cooking,being social and computer networking were a task to me in which I had to recheck again and again with my loved ones.I was confused between which was the actual me,the one that lived because of medicines or the one which is living without medicines.As time has it’s own ways of unfolding mysteries I was contented with the new me.My scars,some visible and some hidden had an option to undergo surgery and disappear,but I choose to keep them to remind me never to fall prey to my past mind.