Tag Archives: teenager

Guardians helplessness

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A bipolar persons life is a blend of always two,not less and not more.Good and bad,sad and happy,love and hate,mood swings and difficulties in choosing the right.We bipolar feel another me inside us,refer to her or him as the one who’s to blame.We feel slaves to our master.Our mood swings are depended on how pleased and properly fed is our inner me.We flatter and pamper our inner me in order to be in good books with them.We bipolar feel protected and guarded as our inner me to us is like a white knight.For me she was my protector in my childhood when I was punished by my teachers and bullied by my friends.She guarded me against male lust when I was a teenager,she was always there when tears rolled down my cheeks.I started getting comfort and solace in myself and referred to her as my only guardian angel who understood me.As a child whenever I was unhappy and wrong,I knew no one else but she would understand me.

Today blame it on my maturity,I’ve chosen to be a rebel to my childhood so called guardian angel.I don’t say I hate her today,but I’ve given her a space in me to acknowledge her,and to prove my loyalty to her.Today I understand all that she did for me,had it not been her strengths and power I would be a week and helpless person.She came in me as my protector and I respected her and while I fed my existence she fed on my thoughts.She was good until she thought she was my only sole protector.Jealousy and hatred hit her when I found my true love and got in a commitment with him.My marriage made her uncomfortable with the thoughts that a third person could guide me my way.She was going through her second childhood and became helpless and started defending herself by getting rage in me.She made me suffer due to her discomforts.For long she tortured me due to the hatred she had for my true love.My blood returned back all her sweat.Soon love won the race and I learnt to let her be in me,but today I tame her and feed her my positive thoughts.I heal her wounds by telling her what’s happened was past and let’s have a happy ending.

Selfless love

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I am the blessed and fortunate one to have the best mother,though difficulties in life forced me to wonder if my mom could have the same thought about me.As a child I was very sweet,stubborn,demanding and difficult to please,but since I was my mothers daughter she too possessed almost the same qualities but in the positive matured ways.She was sweeter than me,never ever gave up on me,demanded that I possess more of good emotions being lenient and though in difficulties pleased me with all that I demanded.I was clearly a troubled child and my mom was warned that by my paediatric at the age when I was seven.Due to the stigma then and her fight with her life, I wasn’t shown to a psychiatrist.

Today I’m a proud mother of a daughter.I call her my mirror image.While giving her birth I was hit by postpartum psychosis.Needless to mention,I was a mother in disguise of a monster.I always for more than 14 years of her innocent days made her feel guilty of her existence and the prime reason of my miseries.As GOD has it’s own ways of dealing,my husband was the balance and support of both mother and daughter.Faith having its own mood swings favoured me and while it was not too late let me improve my relation with my daughter.Me being in guilt for my monster mother ways,made the best of what was offered by our faith.It was a 360 degree change for my daughter to realise and absorb her newly found mother,but faith had to prove itself and again today I’m blessed like my own mother.To all my daughters teenager problems I have the best experience and my own mothers will and strengths while dealing with her.I would love to boast just one solution I give my daughter when sometimes her grades suffer due to her age,I tell her it’s you who have to be someone talented and career oriented to sustain in your life,I’m a mother and my love will not increase or decrease with your fluctuating grades.I will always forever love you.

Uncertainty

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Life will go death will come
You are living taking it for granted
But so what it’s my birthday tomorrow
You came as one you will go as one
Don’t acquire pain in love sorrows and desires
But so what it’s my birthday tomorrow
Your teenager days were a trauma
Your marriage days were an illness
But so what it’s my birthday tomorrow
Your family is one but you are two
Your outside world is not so true
But so what it’s my birthday tomorrow
Your hair is grey in saving your fortune
Your heirs won’t experience misfortune
But so what it’s my birthday tomorrow