1993 it was love at first sight for me.Cast differences,immaturity on my behalf,just left convent school and felt like a free bird in a coed college.Met my now husband through a common friend and then all that followed was one perfect being deeply in love with a surprised bipolar personality( that’s me).We continued our true love for three long beautiful years convincing and trying to elope if given a deaf ear.Out love was pure and so in 1996 we got traditionally married and became man and woman.Was beautiful for the first year as we created our bundle of joy,our daughter in 1997.Yes those days people were not so career oriented and though both our family’s were not very well to do we all had one thing in common “love and unity”.Postpartum depression hit my already existing bipolar.Needless to explain the pain,sufferings and helplessness in the whole family.Things got a little settled inside me due to the 6 shock treatments that were prescribed by my physiatrist.I was 23 then,when the urge to make my family complete started bothering only me.My hubby and our whole family was against it as they were told another delivery would make me land into an asylum!!!
It was my deep desire and strong faith in GOD that I delivered a pre-matured baby boy in the seventh month.Weak and tiny was our son due to the heavy medications I had taken.He was born at 1:04 and for three minutes the doctors and me didn’t hear his crying.Thanks to science they injected him and got him into this world.It was my faith in GOD and I knew it.When he was 24 days old he had already been pricked 19 times due to his two repeated febrile seizures.Looking at his pain made me forget my own bipolar pain.His first word was out when he was 4.Speech therapy and again my faith in GOD made our son the most cleverest handsome hunk.My bipolar was a member too while both our kids were growing.
Today we are proud parents of a beautiful 16 year old daughter and a normal speaking 13 year old taller than his own parents son!!! When I look back into our family history,I have just a few regrets about some of our family members taking their voyage to heaven and a little regrets for our family’s helplessness.All this only strengthens my faith in him and I know deep beneath bad times are over!!!
I am the blessed and fortunate one to have the best mother,though difficulties in life forced me to wonder if my mom could have the same thought about me.As a child I was very sweet,stubborn,demanding and difficult to please,but since I was my mothers daughter she too possessed almost the same qualities but in the positive matured ways.She was sweeter than me,never ever gave up on me,demanded that I possess more of good emotions being lenient and though in difficulties pleased me with all that I demanded.I was clearly a troubled child and my mom was warned that by my paediatric at the age when I was seven.Due to the stigma then and her fight with her life, I wasn’t shown to a psychiatrist.
Today I’m a proud mother of a daughter.I call her my mirror image.While giving her birth I was hit by postpartum psychosis.Needless to mention,I was a mother in disguise of a monster.I always for more than 14 years of her innocent days made her feel guilty of her existence and the prime reason of my miseries.As GOD has it’s own ways of dealing,my husband was the balance and support of both mother and daughter.Faith having its own mood swings favoured me and while it was not too late let me improve my relation with my daughter.Me being in guilt for my monster mother ways,made the best of what was offered by our faith.It was a 360 degree change for my daughter to realise and absorb her newly found mother,but faith had to prove itself and again today I’m blessed like my own mother.To all my daughters teenager problems I have the best experience and my own mothers will and strengths while dealing with her.I would love to boast just one solution I give my daughter when sometimes her grades suffer due to her age,I tell her it’s you who have to be someone talented and career oriented to sustain in your life,I’m a mother and my love will not increase or decrease with your fluctuating grades.I will always forever love you.
You were the seed of our love,
Thank you for giving me a rebirth,
I thought I was too young a girl,
But your existence made me complete,
Until you came to life,
I realised the importance of mine,
When she first handed over you to me,
I admired the creation of our love,
Being in fear I was too large for you,
The mother in me took care of you,
Before you knew of hunger inside you,
My cells aroused and prepared me,
Seeing you take your first step,
Gave me joy that cannot be compared,
When you learnt to put your tongue out and speak,
Amongst all only I knew what you meant,
The little things that you did,
Kept me admiring and adoring you,
Your smallest needs,
Kept me on my toes,and help me pass my time,
To get you to where our love had dreamed,
Indeed we worked hard,and made that true.