Destinations

Some for pleasure
Others for earning bread
Some in denims others in suits
Some discussing experiences
Others gossiping neighbours

Some sipping coffee
Others window shopping
Some tackling kids queries
Others wondering when they grew
Some alone others on a phone

Some In fear others looking for a gear
Some staring others deep in thoughts
Some with books others with apples
Some leaving sweat others reaching heights
Some in arrivals others in departures

Some regulars others first time
Some bold and beautiful
Others not so fortunate
Some in a fight with others
Others fighting their own mind

The clouds weigh no caste or creed
Jitters with the rags and rich
We hope the pilot has earned his degree
Somehow pass our time with prayers at the back of our mind
There we land and start to explore the already planned

Amavasya ~ New moon

Scientifically I’m clueless as to the knowledge of the new moon.Being bought up in India,as a child whenever I was curious and wanted some excitement I would catch hold of some elderly person and force them to tell me scary and beyond life stories.Yes I was never the barbie doll playing girl.My neighbours and playmates then called me a tom boy.I remember me getting frightened while going to bed after the story’s,but still I never stopped questioning and demanding for more.Here in India there is a lot we do while preparing for the new moon and the day it arrives.Havan, poojas,keeping a fast,wearing the proper coloured clothes,and most importantly asking for peace and serenity on that day.We don’t carry out any important work on that day.Marriages and celebrations are kept for the auspicious days.

While all the above was embedded well in my brain cells,I till today am clueless wether the full moon has got to do something with mental illness.Wether it’s just a psychology I invited or the heavy feeling my body gets when it’s the full moon is something I just stopped trying to figure out.Being a bipolar for so long I trust my instincts and experience on it,though I know there are myths and science involved in getting some answers.As if bipolar mood swings ain’t enough the moon gets into a shading mood.

Destroyer

It was all balanced it was all fine
Was wondering is it really happening
It was all merry and we all were happy
I was really high so was she
Then came the unexpected hit
I wanted to manage but she wanted to react
I tried but in vane and she started the pain
She digs inside me and I become her slave
I then am made to do as she desires
She succeeds in her mission
I’m confused in her fusion
My blood silences her hunger
I pity myself yet I’m blamed

Nostalgic Venice

Venice a seaport in NE Italy build on numerous islands.A place if asked about I would strongly recommend to go exclusively with your lover or husband,but off course kids too just for the first time.I was fortunate that my eyes experienced the beauty in the lagoons of Venice,yet still crave to someday elope away just alone with my husband.118 small islands separated by canals and linked by bridges.Being there for four full days dint seem like doing justice to the place.A small populated island actually made me miss my land, but at the same time I felt I was breathing in more deeply.The first look of Venice my eyes captured were so mesmerising that carrying my own luggage and walking through the lanes dint feel tiring.The small coffee shops,bars and pubs were all so inviting that I wanted to run to my hotel room dump my luggage and sip some liquids and enjoy and relish every moment.Wanted to be more out rather than wasting time under the roof there.

Our holiday planner had planned all our days and had also made sure with our pre booked boat ride coupons to travel within the islands.All types of people from different walks of life in one boat,but the only common thing we all had there were smiles on our faces and the look of love.I believe Venice has that power.There are many attractions there like epiphany cathedral,Venice theatre and the triangle inn but I and my family got madly attracted to the gondola.A boat ride were one man rows the boat while singing and the rest are listening and experiencing heaven on earth.Sitting there just got me admiring GODs another creation with mans efforts.The scenic beauty felt like a dominating aura screeching and compelling me to never leave.After seven years of being there Im still under the spell.

Selfless love

I am the blessed and fortunate one to have the best mother,though difficulties in life forced me to wonder if my mom could have the same thought about me.As a child I was very sweet,stubborn,demanding and difficult to please,but since I was my mothers daughter she too possessed almost the same qualities but in the positive matured ways.She was sweeter than me,never ever gave up on me,demanded that I possess more of good emotions being lenient and though in difficulties pleased me with all that I demanded.I was clearly a troubled child and my mom was warned that by my paediatric at the age when I was seven.Due to the stigma then and her fight with her life, I wasn’t shown to a psychiatrist.

Today I’m a proud mother of a daughter.I call her my mirror image.While giving her birth I was hit by postpartum psychosis.Needless to mention,I was a mother in disguise of a monster.I always for more than 14 years of her innocent days made her feel guilty of her existence and the prime reason of my miseries.As GOD has it’s own ways of dealing,my husband was the balance and support of both mother and daughter.Faith having its own mood swings favoured me and while it was not too late let me improve my relation with my daughter.Me being in guilt for my monster mother ways,made the best of what was offered by our faith.It was a 360 degree change for my daughter to realise and absorb her newly found mother,but faith had to prove itself and again today I’m blessed like my own mother.To all my daughters teenager problems I have the best experience and my own mothers will and strengths while dealing with her.I would love to boast just one solution I give my daughter when sometimes her grades suffer due to her age,I tell her it’s you who have to be someone talented and career oriented to sustain in your life,I’m a mother and my love will not increase or decrease with your fluctuating grades.I will always forever love you.

The ship~ I trusted always

Friends are faiths mercy to us
To prove its innocence
Faith names it luck
I’m fortunate I’m blessed with it
Luck has it’s own conditions of hard work
My faith wasn’t in favour of me
I started believing luck
Luck appreciated me
Favoured me a ride in its ship
The ride is until death do us apart
We are travellers with our flaws
Let the titanic sink
My friends will be a part

Lonely ~ The two of us

In this stigma of silence
Lonely are the two of us
They say I stand one out of six
I feel two in my self
They assure to treat me
But fail in doing so
My rage gets the better of me
They get a chance to jail me
I plead for mercy
They liquidise me
Their ways scared me
I learnt to deal with me
They say ask for help
I learnt to manage myself

A possibility but with positive efforts put in

That was the face I use to make when people reminded me to take my medicines!!! Medications,medicines or Medes are the words we all bipolar hate to hear,but by default we get to hear it,irrespective of us being at home,or out having a good lunch with a close friend,or maybe enjoying a good movie at a relatives place.They feel it is their right to do so,and a way of proving they care for us. I remember being told a minimum 10 times during the whole day!! I use to snap back by telling them for GOD’s sake I’m bipolar,I don’t suffer from Alzheimer’s,and then their management skills would be on display.Either by a hug or those sentences which use to get on my nerves: We just want you to get better,we don’t want a repeat episode,we love you,so what even we take Medes,you too can do us a favour by reminding us and etc etc etc!!! I remember the torture Medes did to my figure which wasn’t a 36 26 36,but I wasn’t at least bloated and never had sad eyes.In the name of illness and for the sake of love I underwent 6 shock treatments,had steroids that added fats to my body,made me slur,overeat,and deprived me of my daily chores by injecting liquids and swelling almost every part of my body.They thought a sleeping monster would be better than an awake demon.

In 2011 I myself was tired of my own sufferings,I use to not like the look my mirror showed me.Blessed with my own maturity,and seeing my loved ones get tormented by my evil and vindictive mind,jittered my soul and dragged me into sanity.My own willpower and positive outlook to get my mind thinking rationally gave me strength of going against medicines.It wasn’t easy for me and neither for my family.The decision was mine but my family feared the consequence of it backfiring!! I am also fortunate in having the best husband,in laws,kids without whom my own existence was a challenge.Precautions were taken by me and my loved ones to ensure my safety and the safety of all around me by repeat visits to my therapist. Today I would not advice anyone to leave medicines ever without consulting their psychiatrist!!

Help me help yourself

I’m a recovered bipolar who suffered through for 18 years!! Stopped medicines in 2011 and today try as much as possible to spread my positivity through my blog,as I have the urge to tell people nothing is impossible even if the fight is with your own mind.Blog writing is very time consuming and the need to be a perfect and good wife and mother leaves me with less time to manage fb,twitter,linkin and meetup.As I believe in keeping a personal touch for my virtual bipolar family I would appreciate if you could send me fb friend request, as I feel it a better option to spread my positivity.Thanks and regards.Below is my Facebook link.

https://www.facebook.com/?sk=welcome

Avoid expecting

I am not Shakespeare but a big fan of his words!! Neither have I totally succeeded in implanting all his sayings into my world,but I am a firm believer in trying and I believe a particular time is planned for each one of us to receive our well deserved solace for which our efforts felt like eternity.I am 38 today and don’t have much repent when I look back.My illness was off course a part of me, but today I feel,the almighty could not have given me everything ready on a platter.I use to at times question him as to why me? What had I done so wrong that you make me suffer so much? He was as for everyone silent to my pleas.Most of my life I thought I loved people and could say and do anything and everything as I thought they loved me back too.Today I see it totally differently.I feel it was only their love for me that made them dance to my tunes as they only knew to give and my love was only a stubborn demand into forcing them to do what they did for me.

Like the saying goes its “never to late”!! I’m happy and extremely thankful for what GOD had planned for me.I am grateful and feel blessed he made me see things which now give peace to my inner me.As I feel contented inside I try as much as possible not to “EXPECT” from anyone as I love surprises.Silence has the power to get you what you desire.

WHEN YOU GIVE AND DONT EXPECT ANYTHING BACK THATS LOVE
BUT IF YOU GIVE AND EXPECT A RETURN IT’S AN INVESTMENT