1993 it was love at first sight for me.Cast differences,immaturity on my behalf,just left convent school and felt like a free bird in a coed college.Met my now husband through a common friend and then all that followed was one perfect being deeply in love with a surprised bipolar personality( that’s me).We continued our true love for three long beautiful years convincing and trying to elope if given a deaf ear.Out love was pure and so in 1996 we got traditionally married and became man and woman.Was beautiful for the first year as we created our bundle of joy,our daughter in 1997.Yes those days people were not so career oriented and though both our family’s were not very well to do we all had one thing in common “love and unity”.Postpartum depression hit my already existing bipolar.Needless to explain the pain,sufferings and helplessness in the whole family.Things got a little settled inside me due to the 6 shock treatments that were prescribed by my physiatrist.I was 23 then,when the urge to make my family complete started bothering only me.My hubby and our whole family was against it as they were told another delivery would make me land into an asylum!!!
It was my deep desire and strong faith in GOD that I delivered a pre-matured baby boy in the seventh month.Weak and tiny was our son due to the heavy medications I had taken.He was born at 1:04 and for three minutes the doctors and me didn’t hear his crying.Thanks to science they injected him and got him into this world.It was my faith in GOD and I knew it.When he was 24 days old he had already been pricked 19 times due to his two repeated febrile seizures.Looking at his pain made me forget my own bipolar pain.His first word was out when he was 4.Speech therapy and again my faith in GOD made our son the most cleverest handsome hunk.My bipolar was a member too while both our kids were growing.
Today we are proud parents of a beautiful 16 year old daughter and a normal speaking 13 year old taller than his own parents son!!! When I look back into our family history,I have just a few regrets about some of our family members taking their voyage to heaven and a little regrets for our family’s helplessness.All this only strengthens my faith in him and I know deep beneath bad times are over!!!
That was the face I use to make when people reminded me to take my medicines!!! Medications,medicines or Medes are the words we all bipolar hate to hear,but by default we get to hear it,irrespective of us being at home,or out having a good lunch with a close friend,or maybe enjoying a good movie at a relatives place.They feel it is their right to do so,and a way of proving they care for us. I remember being told a minimum 10 times during the whole day!! I use to snap back by telling them for GOD’s sake I’m bipolar,I don’t suffer from Alzheimer’s,and then their management skills would be on display.Either by a hug or those sentences which use to get on my nerves: We just want you to get better,we don’t want a repeat episode,we love you,so what even we take Medes,you too can do us a favour by reminding us and etc etc etc!!! I remember the torture Medes did to my figure which wasn’t a 36 26 36,but I wasn’t at least bloated and never had sad eyes.In the name of illness and for the sake of love I underwent 6 shock treatments,had steroids that added fats to my body,made me slur,overeat,and deprived me of my daily chores by injecting liquids and swelling almost every part of my body.They thought a sleeping monster would be better than an awake demon.
In 2011 I myself was tired of my own sufferings,I use to not like the look my mirror showed me.Blessed with my own maturity,and seeing my loved ones get tormented by my evil and vindictive mind,jittered my soul and dragged me into sanity.My own willpower and positive outlook to get my mind thinking rationally gave me strength of going against medicines.It wasn’t easy for me and neither for my family.The decision was mine but my family feared the consequence of it backfiring!! I am also fortunate in having the best husband,in laws,kids without whom my own existence was a challenge.Precautions were taken by me and my loved ones to ensure my safety and the safety of all around me by repeat visits to my therapist. Today I would not advice anyone to leave medicines ever without consulting their psychiatrist!!