Tag Archives: solace

Positively taming bipolar

20140223-110435.jpg

This is my own experience of positively taming bipolar!! At the age of seven my mom was told by my paediatric I need to see a counsellor,but due to myths, silent social stigma and not too much of acceptance of the newly found mental Illnesses,my family was skeptical in doing so.We lived in India, City Mumbai and it was in the 80’s.I was a very different and difficult child to deal with,a tom boy who was not interested in studies,but a voracious reader of mills and boons,James Hardly chase,Archie comics,asterix,chacha chowdhary,supandi,tintin,Richie rich.Later my liking to reading made me read Sidney Sheldon books,Jeffrey archer,Mario Puzo and many more.Music was one on my likes too.From childhood my parents and siblings taught me to be strong and a fighter as I was the youngest and very sensitive.10 years younger than my sister and 7 years younger to my brother.Our home conditions itself taught us to be survivors.Thanks to my amazing papa who had a reading habit and we three kids got attracted to books.Thanks to my mummy who always believed in doing good.

I got in love with the man of my dreams.Tall dark and handsome character which existed in my imagination.Words fall short to explain my husband as he is the best.We borne a girl child and a boy.Today we are proud parents and my family is complete.Yes more than I got tortured I was the tormentor though unknowingly.I always for some time after my medications stopped, asked my GOD why me?I saw my pain and my 37 years slipping away,saw my admissions to rehabs,my bloated self,my scars,my pain(all of it as ladies face even pms).Had blocked my mind to feel sorry for my husbands and kids sufferings as they lived with me.My whole family’s sacrifices and pain.My doctor who I second to GOD always.Thanks to my fathers science who’s no more,my brother and sisters numerology,my mom and sister in laws constant positivity and guidance,the amazing support of my husband and inlaws,my kids who love me today,loads of good relatives,old classmates,best friends and last but not the least my 2 beauties,my four legged babies Feedo and fluffy.

Having dealt with 37 years of unwanted negativity which if controlled on time could have been prevented,today this year started of with my blog on 6th jan and very soon lot on my mind.I search for solace in my mind as I know sky ain’t the limit the mind is.Have faith and I’m sure of my love and support.Learnt to tame my own bipolar knowing and challenging my dirty mind to come out.Its tamed so well by my good self,my reading knowledge,my family’s love and support and my survivor instincts that I have the urge to reach many alike me.I am blessed forever and my wish is that you stay blessed!!

Advertisements

Guardians helplessness

20140202-103405.jpg

A bipolar persons life is a blend of always two,not less and not more.Good and bad,sad and happy,love and hate,mood swings and difficulties in choosing the right.We bipolar feel another me inside us,refer to her or him as the one who’s to blame.We feel slaves to our master.Our mood swings are depended on how pleased and properly fed is our inner me.We flatter and pamper our inner me in order to be in good books with them.We bipolar feel protected and guarded as our inner me to us is like a white knight.For me she was my protector in my childhood when I was punished by my teachers and bullied by my friends.She guarded me against male lust when I was a teenager,she was always there when tears rolled down my cheeks.I started getting comfort and solace in myself and referred to her as my only guardian angel who understood me.As a child whenever I was unhappy and wrong,I knew no one else but she would understand me.

Today blame it on my maturity,I’ve chosen to be a rebel to my childhood so called guardian angel.I don’t say I hate her today,but I’ve given her a space in me to acknowledge her,and to prove my loyalty to her.Today I understand all that she did for me,had it not been her strengths and power I would be a week and helpless person.She came in me as my protector and I respected her and while I fed my existence she fed on my thoughts.She was good until she thought she was my only sole protector.Jealousy and hatred hit her when I found my true love and got in a commitment with him.My marriage made her uncomfortable with the thoughts that a third person could guide me my way.She was going through her second childhood and became helpless and started defending herself by getting rage in me.She made me suffer due to her discomforts.For long she tortured me due to the hatred she had for my true love.My blood returned back all her sweat.Soon love won the race and I learnt to let her be in me,but today I tame her and feed her my positive thoughts.I heal her wounds by telling her what’s happened was past and let’s have a happy ending.

Avoid expecting

20140125-140229.jpg

I am not Shakespeare but a big fan of his words!! Neither have I totally succeeded in implanting all his sayings into my world,but I am a firm believer in trying and I believe a particular time is planned for each one of us to receive our well deserved solace for which our efforts felt like eternity.I am 38 today and don’t have much repent when I look back.My illness was off course a part of me, but today I feel,the almighty could not have given me everything ready on a platter.I use to at times question him as to why me? What had I done so wrong that you make me suffer so much? He was as for everyone silent to my pleas.Most of my life I thought I loved people and could say and do anything and everything as I thought they loved me back too.Today I see it totally differently.I feel it was only their love for me that made them dance to my tunes as they only knew to give and my love was only a stubborn demand into forcing them to do what they did for me.

Like the saying goes its “never to late”!! I’m happy and extremely thankful for what GOD had planned for me.I am grateful and feel blessed he made me see things which now give peace to my inner me.As I feel contented inside I try as much as possible not to “EXPECT” from anyone as I love surprises.Silence has the power to get you what you desire.

WHEN YOU GIVE AND DONT EXPECT ANYTHING BACK THATS LOVE
BUT IF YOU GIVE AND EXPECT A RETURN IT’S AN INVESTMENT